Sweater Weather
by recklessnrelentless
Summary: "Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Slut. Kill yourself. Bitch. Idiot. Whore." She curled in around herself, and cried herself to sleep.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, guys, So this one is really sad. Uhmm, actually, trigger warning. It may be triggering. It wasn't hard for me to write, but it may be hard for some of you to read.

Anyways, this hasn't been betaed, because I just wrote it up, and I don't have a TMI beta, and I really wanted to publish it.

This is sort of based off of the song Kiss It Better by He Is We. OK, well, actually, it's more inspired than based off of. So, I suggest listening to that while you read, to get the full feel.

AND NOW I DO NOT OWN TMI OTHERIWSE I WOULD OWN JACE AND GIVE AMBER VALENTINE.

* * *

She watched in a sort of sick fascination as the red trailed down her arms. She smiled.

_I'm doing everyone a favour. Not that they'd care anyway._

* * *

I'd never really understood what it was that drove the girls to hate me. But they did. And I never let it faze me. Sure, I wasn't gorgeous, but I wasn't ugly. I was slender, with cherry red hair that was naturally curly, and I had reasonable fashion sense, so I thought. According to the girls at school, that wasn't nearly enough for them to love me. And eventually, I started not loving myself.

It hadn't always been that way. For a long time, all I had was my mother, Luke, her boyfriend, and my friends Isabelle and Simon. It was all I needed.

But as the three of us entered into high school, I started noticing little things. Like how Izzy was the object of every guys desires. She was gorgeous, I'll admit. Still, it didn't bother me. But then the girls started in.

_"What is a freak like you doing hanging around with Isabelle Lightwood?"_

_"You're not good enough."_

_"Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Slut. Kill yourself. Bitch. Idiot. Whore. "_

And in junior year, I had suddenly begun believing them. But I still had Isabelle, I still had Simon. They reminded me that the cruel words were lies.

And I was alright, until senior year.

That's when Isabelle and Simon finally admitted they loved each other. I was overjoyed for them, honestly, it had been painful to watch them pine over the other. But then, it was like I'd lost them. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice little me. So I walked away from their friendship, and into the world alone.

_"Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Slut. Kill yourself. Bitch. Idiot. Whore."_

It took a month. A month, and I was through. The food stopped meeting my mouth, the blade started meeting my wrists. I covered it up and wore tank tops, proud of how skinny I was becoming. Still they laughed.

That was when he noticed me. Jace. The most sought after guy in the school. We had art together, and my sleeve slipped. It was winter, and sweaters were acceptable. But I guess that wasn't my lucky day, and it fell down my arm. All my sweaters were too loose for me now. And he saw. I covered it up, mumbling some dumb excuse about shaving. He wouldn't stop staring. He waited for me after class.

_"I know what that is, Red. Take my number, and call me next time, OK?"_

And I did. He became my confidante. I told him everything. But all good things must come to an end.

He got a girlfriend, and when she asked about me, suddenly he couldn't keep my secrets anymore.

What hurt the most wasn't what people were saying.

_"She only wants attention."_

_"Ugh, look at her. So pathetic."_

_"I hear she starves herself."_

_"Well, I heard she slits her wrist. Anorexic, little, emo."_

It was what I told myself.

_You knew he could never love you._

* * *

She ended up where she was now. She smiled, and sliced another one into my thigh. A door opened downstairs, and she looked up. Suddenly, it couldn't be over with fast enough. She slashed jagged lines into my skin, wherever she could reach.

"Red?"

_Jace._

She grinned to herself. Of course he'd be the one to find her. She began to sway, and fell against the door.

"Clary!"

His footsteps sounded loud, too loud. He opened the door.

"Clary."

He pulled her into him, and grabbed her hand.

_"Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Slut. Kill yourself. Bitch. Idiot. Whore."_

"It's not your fault, love. You didn't know," she choked out.

"I did, Clary. I knew."

"Kiss it all better, I'm not ready to go." she whispered.

"Clary," he muttered. "You're not going to die right now."

And Jace, Jace called 911. And he stayed with her until she fell asleep.

And when they came, and when they took her, he wouldn't leave her side. Until they told him the news.

"I know I never told you, and I am so incredibly stupid. But I love you, Clary."

The boy walked away from her grave, and he finally understood the lines on her wrists. Because he had them, too.

* * *

SO...I hope you liked it. This is somewhat based off of my own experiences with self harm and suicide. As some of you may know, a couple months ago, I tried to commit suicide, and no one did anything until the morning, Before that, I'd self harmed for nearly a year.

I just really needed to get this out. You guys can always DM me if you need to talk or anything. I love you all!

Let me know if you want another chapter or a prequel/sequel or something like this where no one dies...?

Love,

Blaze


	2. Authers Note

Hello, everyone! Oh, my gosh. I am so overwhelmed by all the positive feedback this story got. Thank you so much! So, a lot of people asked for a version where Clary doesn't die, so I'm going to get to work on that when I can.

Also, I wanted to thank all of you for all of your kind words. I'm honestly doing a lot better now. I'm going on 7 weeks clean of self harm, so yay! Someone asked why it came to that, so I thought I'd address the topic a little bit more directly:

I was just in a really bad place, and I'd been cutting for a while. I was in the car one night, and I just suddenly thought: I'm gonna kill myself. And I just kinda hung on to that though until I got home. Later that night, I pulled out the razor, and I started cutting really deep. I won't really get into it, but basically, I attempted to bleed out. I'd told a few friends, but no one realized how serious it really was, so no one did anything. My mum found the blood on my sheets the next morning, and took me to my therapist. I had to go to the hospital and get medically evaluated, and then I was sent to a mental hospital. I stayed there for a week. It had been my second time in one. From there, I went into an outpatient program at another hospital. I was surrounded by people going through the same things, and could always see a therapist. It was a good space to be in.

So, now I'm doing a lot better! But thanks for all your concern, I'll keep you guys updated.

So that's all, look for the next chapter, with the alternate ending, up soon!

Love,

Blaze

PS I normally do cookies for everyone who reviewed, so... O. Enjoy your cookies!


	3. Alternate

Hey, guys. SO, a ton of you asked for an AE. Here it is. I don't know if it's exactly what you wanted, but it is what it is, so.

I DO NOT OWN TMI OTHERWISE JACE WOULD BE MINE AND AMBER WOULD HAVE VALENTINE!

* * *

She watched in a sort of sick fascination as the red trailed down her arms. She smiled.

_I'm doing everyone a favour. Not that they'd care anyway._

* * *

I'd never really understood what it was that drove the girls to hate me. But they did. And I never let it faze me. Sure, I wasn't gorgeous, but I wasn't ugly. I was slender, with cherry red hair that was naturally curly, and I had reasonable fashion sense, so I thought. According to the girls at school, that wasn't nearly enough for them to love me. And eventually, I started not loving myself.

It hadn't always been that way. For a long time, all I had was my mother, Luke, her boyfriend, and my friends Isabelle and Simon. It was all I needed.

But as the three of us entered into high school, I started noticing little things. Like how Izzy was the object of every guys desires. She was gorgeous, I'll admit. Still, it didn't bother me. But then the girls started in.

_"What is a freak like you doing hanging around with Isabelle Lightwood?"_

_"You're not good enough."_

_"Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Slut. Kill yourself. Bitch. Idiot. Whore. "_

And in junior year, I had suddenly begun believing them. But I still had Isabelle, I still had Simon. They reminded me that the cruel words were lies.

And I was alright, until senior year.

That's when Isabelle and Simon finally admitted they loved each other. I was overjoyed for them, honestly, it had been painful to watch them pine over the other. But then, it was like I'd lost them. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice little me. So I walked away from their friendship, and into the world alone.

_"Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Slut. Kill yourself. Bitch. Idiot. Whore."_

It took a month. A month, and I was through. The food stopped meeting my mouth, the blade started meeting my wrists. I covered it up and wore tank tops, proud of how skinny I was becoming. Still they laughed.

That was when he noticed me. Jace. The most sought after guy in the school. We had art together, and my sleeve slipped. It was winter, and sweaters were acceptable. But I guess that wasn't my lucky day, and it fell down my arm. All my sweaters were too loose for me now. And he saw. I covered it up, mumbling some dumb excuse about shaving. He wouldn't stop staring. He waited for me after class.

_"I know what that is, Red. Take my number, and call me next time, OK?"_

And I did. He became my confidante. I told him everything. But all good things must come to an end.

He got a girlfriend, and when she asked about me, suddenly he couldn't keep my secrets anymore.

What hurt the most wasn't what people were saying.

_"She only wants attention."_

_"Ugh, look at her. So pathetic."_

_"I hear she starves herself."_

_"Well, I heard she slits her wrist. Anorexic, little, emo."_

It was what I told myself.

_You knew he could never love you._

She ended up where she was now. She smiled, and sliced another one into my thigh. A door opened downstairs, and she looked up. Suddenly, it couldn't be over with fast enough. She slashed jagged lines into my skin, wherever she could reach.

"Red?"

_Jace._

She grinned to herself. Of course he'd be the one to find her. She began to sway, and fell against the door.

"Clary!"

His footsteps sounded loud, too loud. He opened the door.

"Clary."

He pulled her into him, and grabbed her hand.

_"Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Slut. Kill yourself. Bitch. Idiot. Whore."_

"It's not your fault, love. You didn't know," she choked out.

"I did, Clary. I knew."

"Kiss it all better, I'm not ready to go." she whispered.

"Clary," he muttered. "You're not going to die right now."

And Jace, Jace called 911. And he stayed with her until she fell asleep.

And when they came, and when they took her, he wouldn't leave her side. Until they told him the news.

* * *

"I know I never told you, and I am so incredibly stupid. But I love you, Clary."

The boy walked away from her bedside, sick inside. Ever since three hours ago when they'd told him she would be alright, he'd been worrying over when she would wake up. The first thing he had done was call his girlfriend and break up with her.

"Is this because of the emo?"

"She's not emo, and yes."

"She's nothing, why would you want her?"

"She may be your nothing, but she's my everything."

He hung up after that.

Then, he'd called her parents, not that they gave a crap, and told them their daughter would be fine.

"Jace?" He heard from behind him, he was nearly out the door.

Slowly, he turned around. "Clary."

He ran to her. "Clary, I love you. God, I know, I'm such an idiot, and an asshole, but I love you."

She smiled, and reached up to touch his face. "Yes, you're an asshole. But you're my asshole."

And he swore he'd never seen anything more beautiful than her smile in that moment.

"How does someone so perfect feel so insecure?" he wondered.

She glanced down shyly. "I'm not perfect. "she whispered.

"You are to me."

* * *

Aw...Hehe. OK. SO, I hope you guys liked it. And I really wanted to thank you guys for all of your nice things that you said to me. It was incredibly sweet. And things have been a little tough lately for me, so I really appreciate it. OK. Mwah, love you!

~Blaze


End file.
